covid19

Ironically, I actually started writing this post back in May and never finished it. Perhaps subconsciously I knew this new way of life would last a lot longer than the original few weeks Boris first promised. With the New Year pending, it’s no surprise that I’ve seen a lot less ‘Bring on 2021’, or ‘New Year, New Me’ posts. Noone knows how long this fiasco will last.

BUT…there are POSITIVES! Here’s what I don’t miss and hopefully some of you can relate!

The daily commute. If the trains are screwed (highly likely when you use Southeastern), you’ll end up squashed underneath someone’s armpit, or the stench of morning breath. Fantastic way to start the day, eh?

Talking of trains…Not worrying about how drunk I am and whether I will fall asleep past my stop. My first ever job actually made me a badge saying ‘Wake me up at Dartford’ – very awkward. Those who know me may also remember that a police car kindly gave me a lift home once after seeing me attempt to walk home in heels in the snow in the middle of the night… (offered them money like a cab and definitely did ask them to put their sirens on).

For the ladies – wearing a full face of make-up, heels or even a bra every day. Let’s be honest, it’s been quite nice not having to make an effort every day hasn’t it? How free do ‘they’ feel?!

For the men who work in an office – how many of you have loved not wearing a suit and secretly turning up to zoom calls in your pants? Don’t pretend you haven’t!

Netflix. Not sure how many more series and films I can watch. That said, if anyone has recommendations please let me know!

On a more serious note…

Rushing to a gym class. Lockdown has made me realise that you don’t need a gym to stay fit. As much as I do miss my gym trainers, it’s been great doing home workouts!

Not having much time to do weekly chores. It’s been so nice not having to cram washing, hoovering and other flat (or house) chores, including general life admin into a few days at the weekend!

Being judged by the hours sat at a desk, rather than actual productivity. I think this lockdown has truly tested and proved that we are all capable of managing our own time, whilst still doing a decent job. That said, i’d personally say it’s harder to maintain a work/life balance when your workstation and computer is a meter away from you at all times! I also feel sorry for those with children and having to homeschool, so there are pros and cons to this point.

So..what have I missed?

The big one for me and I suspect for most is social interaction. I miss so many of my friends a ridiculous amount. They have been my absolute rocks this year and to those reading this, you know who you are. I can’t thank you enough for bringing me out of some seriously dark days. Facetime and phone calls just aren’t the same as having someone there physically. I also started a new job at the beginning of lockdown and I’m still not convinced zoom is the greatest way to get to know your colleagues, or build solid relationships. For those that work in insurance, bring back ‘thirsty Thursdays’ in the Lamb, the Moon, or even Caminos!

Holidays. Enough said.

Dating, properly. I cannot wait to be able to do something fun and spontaneous, or just simply walk into a bar without worrying about a time slot!

Being able to plan things without worrying what Tier everyone’s in.

Spending time with people without breaking any rules. Living alone is hard and has tested me hugely these last few months. Sometimes you just want someone there to vent to, or share your day with, no matter how boring it may be.

WHAT HAVE I LEARNT THAT I WILL TAKE INTO 2021?

I’m more resilient than I originally thought and can accept my own company, even on the hardest days
I have no time for time wasters
I have to remain respectful to other people’s opinions and stay open minded
No matter how many rejections I get, I won’t ever be a cold person. I’ve tried not to care, but it never works!
I owe so much to a lot of people for picking me up and reminding me what I deserve on the days that I feel stuck
Everyone has different things they’re sad about and just because I feel like someone is in a different position to me, their feelings are still valid.
I am not alone.

Taking away all the 2020 negatives, I’ve really loved seeing so many people come together this year, reach out and support each other. Lockdown babies, engagements, new relationships and some weddings too!

Here’s to 2021 being fuller of all of the above. 365 days. 365 new chances.

Counselling/therapy (whatever you want to call it) – why is there still such a huge stigma around it? When you’re ill, or your body is hurt and you need to recuperate, you rest and you feed your body back to healthy. So, why is it less important or ’embarrassing’ do to the same with your mind? The UK counselling directory states that 615 million, yes, million, people suffer with anxiety and depression – and that’s the ones they know about. It’s so important to self assess and realise that you are at such a low point that you need help.

For me, this started around 6 years ago. I won’t go into the details of my upbringing, but to cut the long story short I no longer speak to either of my parents. I usually put on a front and say it doesn’t bother me, but truth be told I just cried a little writing this. I still hold an untold amount of resentment towards them and its something I am slowly trying to change. I still carry some of their baggage and still blame them for the way I handle situations, my feelings of abandonment and those of you reading this have probably noticed that I crave love, even if it hurts me in the process. Because of them, I have become the opposite and instead of abandoning people, I try to see the good in people and become a ‘fixer’. Something I have been told by two counsellors. The fixing part, I can change and am actively trying to (boundaries, right?). Unfortunately though, I will always have that need and want for stability with someone I love.

So, after months of being up and down with my emotions, I decided to book my first appointment. I will never forget what I learnt about myself within an hour. My counsellor asked me to tell her about myself and in response I spent ten minutes rattling off all of my life achievements, the holidays I had been on, my job etc. After this, we carried on with why I felt the need for counselling and how I felt. It wasn’t until the very end of the session, she made the very valid point of asking me whether I noticed anything interesting about my response to her “Tell me about yourself”. I hadn’t told her anything about me. I had listed off all my accomplishments. This followed with, “Have you ever felt like your parents are proud of you?”….I think you can all guess the answer to that based on my first response. The sessions that followed obviously became more in-depth and I slowly started to feel better. I’m nowhere near completely OK yet (who is?), but I like to think I’ve taken a lot on board.

That was one session, with someone I had met for one hour. So, imagine what a weekly counselling session can do for you when you are feeling at your lowest? I sometimes see my counsellor just to vent, not for anything specific. After lock-down I will most likely be back there having a little cry or a moan about something!

Now, just to make it clear, it is not a quick fix – counsellors are not there to fix you. They are there to help you figure out why you react to situations in a certain way (your ‘inner child’ has a lot to do with this) and then work on ways to change these behavioural patterns. Also, don’t be put off by your first session – most of the time they are more of a ‘get to know’ type session and sometimes you just end up unleashing tons of bottled up emotions without making much sense!

Although extremely brief, I hope this encourages someone to seek the help they need. These are tough times for everyone.

Being vulnerable is beautiful and nothing to be ashamed of.

Tag: covid19

Goodbye 2020….What. An. Effing. Year

Why I Started Counselling and Why You Should Too