Counselling/therapy (whatever you want to call it) – why is there still such a huge stigma around it? When you’re ill, or your body is hurt and you need to recuperate, you rest and you feed your body back to healthy. So, why is it less important or ’embarrassing’ do to the same with your mind? The UK counselling directory states that 615 million, yes, million, people suffer with anxiety and depression – and that’s the ones they know about. It’s so important to self assess and realise that you are at such a low point that you need help.
For me, this started around 6 years ago. I won’t go into the details of my upbringing, but to cut the long story short I no longer speak to either of my parents. I usually put on a front and say it doesn’t bother me, but truth be told I just cried a little writing this. I still hold an untold amount of resentment towards them and its something I am slowly trying to change. I still carry some of their baggage and still blame them for the way I handle situations, my feelings of abandonment and those of you reading this have probably noticed that I crave love, even if it hurts me in the process. Because of them, I have become the opposite and instead of abandoning people, I try to see the good in people and become a ‘fixer’. Something I have been told by two counsellors. The fixing part, I can change and am actively trying to (boundaries, right?). Unfortunately though, I will always have that need and want for stability with someone I love.
So, after months of being up and down with my emotions, I decided to book my first appointment. I will never forget what I learnt about myself within an hour. My counsellor asked me to tell her about myself and in response I spent ten minutes rattling off all of my life achievements, the holidays I had been on, my job etc. After this, we carried on with why I felt the need for counselling and how I felt. It wasn’t until the very end of the session, she made the very valid point of asking me whether I noticed anything interesting about my response to her “Tell me about yourself”. I hadn’t told her anything about me. I had listed off all my accomplishments. This followed with, “Have you ever felt like your parents are proud of you?”….I think you can all guess the answer to that based on my first response. The sessions that followed obviously became more in-depth and I slowly started to feel better. I’m nowhere near completely OK yet (who is?), but I like to think I’ve taken a lot on board.
That was one session, with someone I had met for one hour. So, imagine what a weekly counselling session can do for you when you are feeling at your lowest? I sometimes see my counsellor just to vent, not for anything specific. After lock-down I will most likely be back there having a little cry or a moan about something!
Now, just to make it clear, it is not a quick fix – counsellors are not there to fix you. They are there to help you figure out why you react to situations in a certain way (your ‘inner child’ has a lot to do with this) and then work on ways to change these behavioural patterns. Also, don’t be put off by your first session – most of the time they are more of a ‘get to know’ type session and sometimes you just end up unleashing tons of bottled up emotions without making much sense!
Although extremely brief, I hope this encourages someone to seek the help they need. These are tough times for everyone.
Being vulnerable is beautiful and nothing to be ashamed of.
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