30 and single

I’ve tried them numerous times and put bluntly, they’re not for me and nor can I see myself on one ever again. Although they can be fun for some, dating apps can be debilitating and sometimes even a thick skin can prove difficult to uphold.

I’ve had it all!

THE CATFISH

Yes, that’s right. Men can be cat fishes too! I never thought I’d see the day when men started filtering and airbrushing their photos. Granted, women are the experts at this, but come on! It begs the question though, why would you filter a photo so much that it ultimately looks nothing like you? It’s embarrassing for both parties involved. I’d be mortified if I met with someone and they didn’t recognise me!

THE AWFUL CHAT UP LINES

Here are a few I’ve been sent, for your amusement – they get better as you go along..

‘Solid match, got my attention. What’s we saying?!!’

‘Hey Belle! you have the same name as my mates last name.. we call him Bellend!’. Bit late on that one, been called bellend or bellenda numerous times before.

‘Lonely Friday in lockdown? I’m a sharing pics kind of guy if you are? Always best to be honest.. ‘

‘Don’t really like Easter eggs but I’d enjoy unwrapping and nibbling on you.’ Received this one over Easter weekend – 10/10 for effort!!

‘As your name means beauty, can I be your beast?’ Had this one a few times and a few different versions referencing a beast in some way!

‘Are you into cuckolding?’ I had to Google this one, you may have to as well

And last but not least ..

‘Let’s play a game .. 2 truths and a lie; I’ve played for Chelsea. I’ve travelled around Asia. I have a 9 inch cock’ I obviously said the 3rd statement was a lie.

Apparently I was wrong. Silly me!

THE PREDATORS

These are the guys who start talking to you like absolute gents and then a day into what you think is a very civilised conversation, start questioning your sexual desires, or use the old school line of ‘what are you wearing?’. Funnily enough it’s a Wednesday night and I’m sitting here in some, quite frankly, unattractive baggy pyjamas. Most likely resembling an umpa lumpa after applying fake tan in preparation for the upcoming weekend. BUT, I’ll just pretend I’m sitting here in silky lingerie like a sex goddess, shall I?

THE ONE WITH ALZHEIMER’S

These guys send same witty paragraph to every match and then embarrassingly forget you’ve matched with them previously, resulting in them sending you the same spiel all over again!

THE PEN PAL

We’ve all been there, guys and girls! You could be chatting to someone for weeks and no matter how many hints are made, a date never happens.

And finally …

THE UN-MATCHERS/GHOSTERS

Both are just as bad (ghosting may be slightly worse!). You need to be super resilient for these ones. You can say the slightest thing wrong and be unmatched within seconds or just never spoken to again. These ones, I’ll struggle to ever understand and find it quite cruel that people can be so judgemental very quickly. Either that, or very fickle once they think they’ve found someone better. It’s a cruel dating world!

For anyone thinking about venturing onto these apps, here’s a few tips from me:

⁃ try not to put your heart on your sleeve

⁃ never explicitly trust a profile, as people can be majorly different in real life (personality included)

⁃ Don’t be disheartened by an unmatch or rejection. Quite simply, you won’t be everyone’s type

⁃ Be true yourself and upfront about what you’re looking for

Overall, I think these apps have made us lazy. It’s so easy to swipe left/right based on someone’s aesthetics and everyone seems to just be scrolling for the next best thing, rather than actually giving someone they like a decent chance. Furthermore, people are so quick to run away at the slightest hurdle these days and everyone is looking for perfection – it doesn’t exist!

Regardless of my very pessimistic view, I know these apps have worked for many. One of my best friends met the love of her life on tinder! So, there is hope .. Good luck to all in finding ‘the one’. You deserve to be happy and to be loved for being you, no exceptions.

I never thought I would have the guts to put this out there, but if writing this can help me release some pent up feelings and at the same time help someone in a similar situation relate – why not, eh?

I’d like to think I’m doing OK for myself – from the outset I’m independent, have a stable job in the City, live on my own, live comfortably on a single income and most importantly, have some of the most amazing friends a girl could wish for.

But, on the inside, I have an overwhelming feeling of self-doubt and worry. It comes in waves, but can leave me feeling so low some days that I don’t want to speak to anyone, or do anything. I just want to hide away and shut down.

It’s the worry that I’m never going to have what I really want – a family. You can tell me until you’re blue in the face that I don’t need a man to feel fulfilled, but that’s just not me. I’m 31 in 3 weeks, I’m single and I want nothing more than to just meet someone I connect with, someone to laugh with, someone to share my day with. I miss companionship and connecting on a deeper level than all of the pretentious bullshit you see these days plastered all over the internet.

It’s everywhere.

Social media – a platform that can cause a hell of a lot of misery and mental health issues (as is now becoming very apparent and being spoken about more frequently). When I first started using Facebook and Instagram it was all fun and photos of drunken nights out with friends. Now, at the age of 30, it’s an endless sea of couples, engagements, babies and weddings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for my friends! I love visiting a newborn baby and watching my friends’ babies grow into little human beings. Plus, who doesn’t love a good wedding too? Especially those abroad – great excuse for another holiday.

However, we all know that society doesn’t use it as a platform to be REAL- I’m totally guilty of this too…if you saw mine, you would just think I was a ‘happy-go-lucky’ singleton, constantly having fun and living her ‘best life’, as they say. What’s worse is that if you do then use it to show a little emotion, or realness, you’re judged and seen as an attention seeker. To be honest, I’m at the point now where I don’t give a f**k what anyone thinks of me putting these blogs up. I would rather show people that it’s OK to have emotions and to show them, instead of being fake.

Onto the next – dating apps – (in my eyes) one of the worst platforms ever invented. To the point I refused to use them for a little while before taking the plunge. They can build you up and drag you down within minutes. They can be an ego boost, or a just a hub of rejection. In the last 2 years I’ve found myself constantly deleting and re-uploading them. Bumble, for example, prompts the woman to speak first once they have matched and if the guy doesn’t reply within 24 hours it unmatches automatically – it’s hard after a little while to not take the failed attempt at making conversation personally. Let’s also not forget the fact that these apps are purely based on looks. Full of faces which are most likely unrecognisable in person and gym selfies. What happened to just meeting in a bar and getting to know someone? Also, is chivalry dead? I ask this because many men (and I’m sure women too), use these apps simply to sleep around – not actually date. If they haven’t already, why doesn’t someone just invent an app for sex only…at least users would know where they stood straight away, rather than receiving messages like “the things I would do to you”; yes, genuinely received that once. Don’t get me started on ‘ghosting’ too; what I describe as the ‘coward’s way out’. Seriously, where’s the level of respect gone?

It’s not all negative though – I have friends getting married who have met on these apps, so I know for a fact they do work sometimes, but they’re just not for me. It’s at the point now where I question every little move I’ve made on a date, questioning whether I’ve said the right thing, worn the right thing etc. It’s left me feeling a little empty and unworthy when feelings are constantly unrequited. It can leave me questioning, ‘why am I not good enough?’.

The purpose of me sharing this is with hope that it can help someone of a similar situation see that you are not alone – because I’m not afraid to admit that it really does feel lonely sometimes. If you’re a female, in your early 30s and wondering when your life will take a different course, I feel you. You’re not the only one who gets asked regularly why you aren’t in a relationship, or why you don’t have children yet. Or better yet, ‘Do you actually want kids?’, as if it’s easy to just find a guy to start a family with, just because everyone else is doing it.

Ladies, keep going, set the boundaries, pick yourself up after the rejection and live in the hope that it will happen one day. Also, it’s not all bad – no one to answer to and no one to keep you awake at night with their constant snoring and farting.

Just keep trying and embrace it while you can- it’s what I have to keep telling myself.

Tag: 30 and single

The dire (although amusing) dating app diaries

I’ve tried them numerous times and put bluntly, they’re not for me and nor can I see myself on one ever again. Although they can be fun for some, dating apps can be debilitating and sometimes even a thick skin can prove difficult to uphold.

Single in a Soulless Society